Sadness

It's been 2 days since I heard about my friend Tim dying. My heart is breaking. I can't believe we will not have any more facebook messages going back and forth. Hey Papa Bear....Hi Mama Bear. Friends since we were little kids. I keep wanting to cry but I stuff it all back. I don't think anyone would understand why I am so upset. I don't want to upset Mom or make Virgil ask questions that there really is no need for. Tim was a friend only. And the death of someone you grew up with can certainly raise questions of immortality. And I KNOW that if I died tonight I would spend eternity in Hell. And that is definitely not what I want. I love Jesus. I know that he shed His blood to cover our sins. But I am living in Sin. I love Virgil. We have a good life together. But legally, he is still married even though they have been separated for 9 years. I wish he would take the initiative to get divorced. Anyway, Virgil is the love of my life. Tim was and will always be a very good friend. I know that people believe that a man and woman cannot have a platonic relationship and still say that they love each other. It's a love built on friendship and a lifetime of knowing each other. I need to regroup and pull myself together. I thought that maybe by writing this it would help to ease the emotional pain. This week will be rough. I don't think I was a good friend to him. I didn't keep up with what was happening with him in this past year and when he was in Mansfield last summer, I didn't make a good enough effort to go see him. I feel really, really bad about that now because I will never have the chance to see him now. R.I.P. Timmy. Love you my friend. Go be with the Angels.